Wednesday, April 1, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: $750bn MARRIAGE BAILOUT BILL MOVES THROUGH CONGRESS

Just in from Green Mountain Daily!

'Saying "we have to act quickly before the institution fails completely," a bipartisan group of Senators is pushing a $750 billion bill to bail out marriage after its unprecedented collapse in the wake of gay and lesbian rights victories. Starting with civil unions in Vermont, marriage has been dealt crushing blows in recent years, with little end in sight.

The collapse, predicted by many, has been devastating. Divorce rates since the collapse of the marriage system have multiplied by a factor of 10. Most marriagists blame the new universal acceptance of the "gay lifestyle" in the wake of these laws, which have caused nearly 75% of all married men to experiment sexually with other men, and up to 50% going gay completely (with that number expected to increase). "I just never thought of it as an option," one anonymous ex-husband was quoted as saying. "Now that there's no social stigma attached, why not decide to crave male genitalia? I only chose the straight lifestyle because I didn't really know about penises!"'

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